Making Friends as an Adult: Tips for Empaths, HSPs, and Military Families
Making friends as an adult can be super hard and awkward while taking effort and energy on your part to your already perhaps busy schedule. There are many types of friendships that can be beneficial and more research has shown that a mix of intimate and superficial relationships can be healthy (read: we need both). As a HSP/empath, you may feel drained by surface-level conversations, but these are often offshoots for more solid, intimate later on, so don't completely shy away from surface-level conversations just yet. They could lead to something great, and who knows, maybe long-term or even lifelong relationships.
If you’re a military family, you may heavily rely on neighborly relationships or with those that have something in common (maybe you belong to the same club/group or your kids are in the same class), but what if you are solo and have just uprooted? Finding a sense of belonging can be much harder. It can also give you a sense of freedom (maybe too much freedom/too many options, too). The world is your canvas, but you may feel stuck on what to do.
Taking slow and steady steps are important to keep you moving forward (if that’s important to you). Feeling overwhelmed by daily life? It’s okay. Let’s take a deep belly breath together and sigh it out. Let your breath soothe you. In this moment you are all right.
First, define what is important to you. For instance my current ikigai is to make meaningful connections, both personally and professionally. I’m open to meeting people from different walks of life. As someone whose top strength/theme is empathy, I find that I can make friends with someone who’s younger or older than me. It’s also to be discerning as to whom you befriend.
Second, take small steps daily to move forward (if that’s important to you). Small steps don’t ever go to waste. You may not see the outcome overnight (you won’t), but these small steps compound into something modest and maybe great. Just like meditation, you want to do it every day. Your dreams are too important for you to go to the grave with it. Also, perhaps it’s time you start living your dreams before it’s all too late.
Here’s a little story time: today I had an incredible opportunity to meet with a 99-year-old obaachan (grandma) of an Okinawan friend. Oh, how she reminded me so much of my own grandma, and how everyday I wish I could see my own grandma again. Instead of wallowing in grief indefinitely, I allow myself to be open to new connections. Today it was heartwarming to warm up obaachan’s cold hands, try to communicate in broken Japanese, smile, make eye contact, drink coffee and share in manjuu (flour-based pastry filled with red bean paste) sweets together. I might have even given her a kiss on the cheek as well. ;)
Here’s a picture of my Okinawan friend Nao-san (Miss Okinawa 1982 and owner of Maeda Breeze Cafe) and her mother (aka obaachan). :)
