What's it like to be childfree in your 30s

Inspired by Helena Woods’ series on being childfree, let’s talk about being childfree in your 30s.

It’s okay to feel ambivalent about not knowing if you want to have a child or perhaps you are struggling to have one. This decision to have one may not be entirely up to us, and it can feel powerless. Some of you may be swayed by societal/familial/cultural expectations to have a child when you’re still feeling like a child yourself, when you’re not ready, when having a child is not a top priority right now. It’s okay. You have the ability to hold that space of not knowing even if it’s super hard.

You may feel the pressure to have one when you don’t really know if you want or are ready for the lifetime commitment. It can be so stressful, often keeping you up at night. The combination of disappointment and relief each month of not being pregnant causes you to wonder your reason for being and your identity. You pour yourself into work or an activity, but you can’t help, but question your worth at times.

For some you are at peace with not having a child right now and for some it’s hard to navigate life in your 30s without a child when our social media feed or people you know have already started having their own families. Some are on their second marriages and multiple kids. You may feel behind.

Here’s the thing: life is not a race. You are not behind. It’s unkind to compare your life to others. You can find happiness and contentment right now. Focus on the freedom that you have right now to explore and to be. Lean into self-discovery or your marriage.

For those who want to be a mother, there are more ways than one to be a mother. Redefine what it means to be a “mom.” Maybe you are the nurturing type, so you may explore ways to care for babies, children, the elderly or pets. Maybe you enjoy having meaningful conversations, so you start re-engaging with your friends list and phone contact list and invite people to in-person/virtual meetups.

One thing is clear. Despite what others may think, you are not less than those with children. You are worthy with or without kids. This is your life. You get to choose happiness and contentment now. focus on those in front of you instead of the what ifs and what’s on the screen.

It’s not your time yet to know and that’s okay. Stay in the stickiness of the unknown and let the sweetness of honey nourish you today. Protect your peace. be kind and gentle to yourself.

For those wanting more support to help navigate the trickiness of your 30s, book a free call with me today. I got you.