The art of letting go
“What’s on the other side of joy and gratitude if not letting go? What’s on the other side of letting go, if not joy and gratitude?”
There are many times in my life when I wish things were different, and it’s been a lifelong journey of learning to let go - of expectations and of outcomes. As a mindfulness and meditation practitioner, I find myself being able to notice the little things in life more and feeling calmer. My monkey mind races, and I catch myself engaging in self-destructive and unhelpful thoughts. Then, life sends me a big message saying, “Oh, no, no, no. You’re not meant to do or be that yet. Just be here now.”
Life in my 30s seems like it’s an important decade. It seems like a pivotal period as well - where lots of life events are supposed to happen, and then again, I try to remind myself, “Why the rush?” Sometimes it seems like madness that everyone around me, and me included at times, are going a hundred mile a minute, and at the end of the day, I can’t keep up or I don’t want to keep up. I’m exhausted from the rat race of doing more and trying to achieve more in the tiny window that we have outside of work life. Sometimes I think it’s funny that I spend at least 8 hours a day working for someone else, and then, I don’t have the energy left to engage in self-care or connect with friends and family. That doesn’t seem right. I need to rest, but I also need to eat, and I don’t have the energy to prepare a meal at the end of long, exhausting work days. Radical self-care has become my mantra, but what does that really look like? For me it’s figuring out non-negotiables - the habits/rituals that I must do for myself, my higher self. These habits include daily meditation, deep breathing and walking. Really taking the time to connect with myself, spending less time on social media, and getting enough rest have all been helpful.
I understand it can be super anxiety-provoking when it feels like people around you are getting engaged, getting married, buying a house, getting pregnant, and having a baby. While I feel happy for friends who get to embrace a new life chapter in this moment, these events can also be triggering for me, but I do what I know will be good for me - I take a deep breath, and I remind myself to trust in the process, that God/Buddha (Guddha as my friend calls it) has better plans for me, that I am not behind in life, that nothing is wrong with me, and more importantly, I am still worthy of love and belonging.
So, now, I try to let go of controlling the outcome and stop trying to plan my life 3 steps ahead like in chess (which I’m not able to do yet). I know I can control this present moment, and in this moment, I choose to nourish myself, which starts with taking a deep breath and being kind to myself. In a world where people prioritize work and productivity, I can consciously choose to slow down and let go. I choose to enjoy this journey in this “one, wild and precious life” that I have, knowing that I can blossom where I’m planted and I can indeed make the best out of my situation. I have to note the many privileges that I have - a secured job, a roof over my head, food, and a support system.
Letting go will be a lifelong practice for me, and today, I choose to let go of unnecessary worry. Will you join me?